Survivor guest blog: How I reinvented myself

Well that is a pretty bold statement? Got your attention? Ok, well read on. Hopefully you will find some of this useful as to how you might approach re-inventing yourself after your injury or accident. However, there is no one size fits all and the whole experience is in some regards at the mercy of the opportunities that present themselves to you – both in time and location. But you do have some control – to take those opportunities and also create them. If you read on, you will see two themes emerging – the bumpy exit, and the cautious re-entry.

The bumpy exit

Prior to my injury, I was a physiotherapist who had recently specialised in neurology and my love of working in this area had been confirmed. However, as I was leaving my hospital bed at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Stanmore, I was thinking ‘how on earth can I return to work as a Physiotherapist?’ When I sounded out my managers about returning to work, their hesitant responses to my questions fuelled my uncertainty. But I was determined to at least try and go back into physiotherapy. Surely now as a patient I had an ideal perspective and could contribute even more to my patients, having been through so much.

Hmmm, how wrong I was. Well at least at that stage anyway. I attempted a return to full-time work which must have been the most badly handled thing in the whole world. OK I exaggerate, but for someone who works in healthcare, who understands the human body, I was still taken aback when my managers told me I had to return to work gradually.  I had to start with three hours a day, but I quickly progressed to four, to five, to six hours a day over consecutive 5 day working weeks.

Getting to work wasn’t the problem… yes my energy levels did need to be built up. But the problem wasn’t just that. It was how was I going to do the job?? This was never fully explored. No one from occupational health came to review my role or my duties, they did not support me in formulating competencies. They did not advise me to seek advice from my professional body or disability groups or charities. There was a lack of understanding of the complex impact of my injuries. I found myself put into the box (a person who simply suffered “lower back pain”) that my managers were used to dealing with. Surely this is any patient’s pet hate!

I constructed my own list of competencies. Low level ones – similar to what I would have done as a first year to physiotherapy student. These I practiced and then demonstrated with my senior colleague who seemed to be fairly happy with what I was doing. This cycle continued. In the end I was working full time and doing as much clinical work as I could but I wasn’t allowed to see patients on my own or do any ‘heavier duties’. This frustrated me no end and was compounded by the lack of willingness to explore alternative methods of approaching the same tasks. Meanwhile my clinical lead was hobbling around on a mal-united ankle fracture. The juxtaposition was not comforting. That’s when it really became apparent that although physios may be good at helping patients achieve function, they can be pretty poor at helping each other out in a work environment!

I started to plan a career break to explore other career options and I even considered secondary school teaching (yes, I am a glutton for punishment!). It seemed clear to me if I could not do my full job, or wholly contribute to the team, that I didn’t want to be there – I did not want to be a perceived hindrance to any team I worked in.

Before I left, I met with my manager. She said multiple senior physios had told her that I could never be a neurophysiotherapist again.  I was shell shocked. It was insult to injury. I couldn’t believe, firstly, that this was the first time I was hearing this and that, secondly, I was hearing these words from a profession which prided itself in improving access for all notwithstanding disability. I had no fight left at this point. And I also don’t think I knew how to fight it. No-one voiced shock or concern.

Many trauma survivors like Alison struggle to return to work once they leave hospital.

The cautious re-entry

Wow. To be honest I am not sure what kept me in physiotherapy after that but I knew if I could use my love of teaching (which is a core skill of any physiotherapist) in the profession,  then it seemed like a smart move. So I pushed some doors. I was eventually offered a sessional lecturing post and started a masters. The part time hours and mix of learning and teaching was beneficial. At times it was a strain and my confidence was often very low, which was compounded when I felt I wasn’t doing very well at it. It was easy to blame all that I had been through including my accident.

And so fairly slowly I have morphed into an academic. Yes. I know. Quite a stretch from an active, doer or a person who thrived on helping others. But I hope I haven’t become too grey and dusty!!

It has had many rewarding moments. I have had to develop my reasoning and writing skills, my managerial skills and team working to fit into an environment where I am 20 years younger that my team members, with significantly less clinical experience. However I have been accepted and valued. I have become a member of a new team and I am not only grateful but also feel I have earnt my right to be there and can contribute my skills and knowledge and experience with increasing confidence and conviction. I am now also doing a large body of research which has upped the challenge.

Reinvention or self-discovery?

This career transformation has really strengthened my already fairly pronounced personal traits of determination and presence! It’s been tough but it’s worth it (well I hope so!). Parts of my character and skills have been unearthed, revealed and developed - parts that I never knew existed or could exist. Somehow I have become business savy and can chair meetings; I have become politically aware and strive to seek fair treatment and make decisions with a higher consciousness of equity and integrity – thinking about their implications for my students, my profession, their welfare, their future.

As I reflect on this I can’t help thinking that maybe it wasn’t a reinvention after all. Maybe all that character and skill was there but had not been explored, exposed, or exercised. Maybe I haven’t reinvented myself but just been on an accelerated journey of discovery. Either way it’s been a rebuilding. So go on. Try it. It won’t be easy but you will get there (wherever your there is)!

Written by Alison Lyddon (Spinal Cord Injury C4 incomplete) MSc, MCSP, FHEA. 

 You can find advice about managing a return to work after a serious injury here

Published 1st December 2015

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